you're waiting for her..
and i'm waiting for you..

i'll continue to wait,
till the day you're ready to accept me again..

i just want to continue to stay by your side,
to take care of you and to do things quietly for you..

i need you more than anything else,
cos i love you..

i'm too deeply poisoned,
too hurt and briused..

i need my drug,
cos i'm deeply addicted to you..

screw that miscommunication between us..
think till today u still think i yuan wang ni ba..
but i really really didnt..
i've never lied to u before,
so pls believe me..
had been thinking if not for that miscomm,
things may not have happen..
thou it's actually not really important now,
but i really need u to believe me..

love hurts..
it really hurts..
and i really mean damn hurt..

super hurt when it involves third party again..
super hurt when i see you so hurt yet i cant do anything..
super hurt when i feel that your heart is no longer with me..
but most hurt when you only want us to be good friends..

i just cant understand how fragile love can be..
i just cant understand why does it happen again..
i just cant understand how could it happen to us..
i just cant understand how can a few days replace your love for me..
maybe i just dont understand what is love..

you've made many sacrifices for her..
but aren't i've made many sacrifices for you too..
and i thought i treated you the best i ever could..
i thought i dont deserve all these to happen to me..
but it doesn't really matters anymore..
all i want is you to return to my side..

i want to always help you tidy your room..
i want to always help you wash your clothes,
hang and iron your clothes..
i want to help you feed our babies everyday..
i want to help you change bedding every week..
i want to pour water for you every night..
i want to go out with you whenever we're free..
i want to watch all my movies with you..
i want to do all my shopping and overseas trip with you..
i want to eat all the good food with you..
i want to celebrate my birthday with you every year..
i want to pat pat and hug hug you to sleep..
i want to be able to hold your hands,
hug you and kiss you..
i want to shower you with my love and concern..
i want you to be by my side always..

but guess eveything will be quite different now..
u'll no longer treat me like how it used to be..
u'll no longer talk to me like how it used to be..
u'll no longer msg me like how it used to be..
u'll no longer protect me like how it used to be..

i will remember all the wonderful memories u've given me..
all the memorable moments we had together..
all the roads, places and countries we've been to..
all the food we've eaten together..
but sometimes i wonder if u ever did remember me..

u promise we'll still be very very good friends..
i really hope this is the last promise u'll ever break..

but i still hope for the day u'll return to my side..
i really need you in my life cos i love you..
u'r all that i had left..
nothing weighs more important than you in my heart..
and u'r the only reason that keeps me going on..

bei, i love you..
i really really do..

*wonder will you ever read this entry..

all i know is i love you..

i really really love you...

i want to go overseas!!
i so want to go overseas!!
i really want to go overseas la!!

what a 'big fat' bonus for year end..
all plans gone..

POP lo..!!
it's been a week plus..
it just feels so different..

settled down on my job already..
so far so good..
still enjoy what i'm doing currently..

coming week going back to HTA again..
it's bad, cos it's residential..
-_-!!
cant see bei for the week again..
and most of the clique is not attending this session..
double sianz..
glad it's only 8 days course..

so wanna go overseas..!!
taiwan trip was postponed..
cant wait for next year to arrive!!

just 2 more months to go before i officially graduate,
and become a full pledged Prison Officer!
and the best thing is,
it's my final exams on the coming week..

following 2 weeks will be my on the job training..
thereafter 1 week of developmental training,
and end of my residential ceremony!!
then another 4 more weeks of on the job training,
and it will be my graduation!!
woohoo!!

this just shows that i'll be out of camp most of the time,
and i can see bei bei almost everyday again!!
to be frank, this is the only thing i really look forward to..
on the job training seems quite an obstacle to me,
and i really hope i get posted to a male prison,
where i really feel more comfortable at..

am falling sick again..
was so sick for around 1 month,
just recovered these few weeks..
but here i'm falling sick soon again..
coughing and coughing,
and think i'm having a fever..

quite a few ppl in the corhort are having fever,
so it made me worried especially at this crucial time..
was asking bei do you think i will have H1N1..
then bei just kissed me and said,
dont worry, if you have i also will have,
we'll take care of each other..
aww, so sweet can~

my knee and ankle isnt getting much better..
it still hurts quite a lot..
this training just made my old injury surface again..
argh!!

1 more week to go before we can see each other everyday..
am getting so excitied about it!!
guess you too..

we have come thus far,
we'll continue to walk hand in hand to complete this wonderful journey,
of bei bei and bei bei..

big loves~

it's been super long since i last stepped in here!
wasnt really at home to update it..
and guess no one will read it too..
wait till bei has the chance to read it ba..

anyway, it's my 13th week in training..
2 more weeks before final exams..
then attachment, lesson and attachment..
and then here i graduate!!
am so glad it's going to be over soon!

no more torturers days for us anymore..
no more book in and book out..
it's gonna be happy days for us again..
i just cant wait for this day to faster arrive!

knee and ankle gave way again..
stupid speed training..
doctor said it's ligament tear..
i wonder if it's really so serious not..

recently we got ourselves many small animals..
our ai qing jie jing! hahax..
we bought 2 pig pig, adopted 2 hamsters and 3 chinchilla..
bei's place is going to become a small zoo!!
bei's so excitied about them..
they kept bei accompanied when i'm not around..
i so love love them too!
they're so adorable!!









our 2 beloved pig pig..
the brown white is called tau pok,
the other one is kong bah!
aren't they so cute!!
dont really have the hamsters and chinchilla's photo..
shall upload again if i have!

booking in tonight le..
argh, so dread it..
just have to hang on for a while more!!
bei we have to jiayou together k!

miss miss you~

it's sunday..
which means it's book in day.. =(
arghh, so dread it manz..
i hate the life i'm having now..

no bei bei around,
super love sick..
body is so so so tired,
and sucky life in camp..
i just need a longer break..
it just seems so hard to go on,
find no strength and energy to continue..

last week was great thou..
'MC' on wed and thurs,
went over to find bei..
we just needed each other so much..
was with bei over the weekend as well..
but it just seems not enough..
time with you just seems to pass extremely fast..
i really enjoyed myself with you bei..
how i wish it could be like that every week..

was on my way home today when i decided to buy the ji pai..
used to love it so much..
but once i bought it,
i no longer feel like eating it..
it reminded me of you so much..
we always share a packet together..
without sharing with you,
i felt so empty so empty..
i just couldnt seem to finish it..

my heart aches so much every weekend during book in..
i know you hate the life now..
i know you dont like when i'm not beside you..
i know you feel neglected cos we dont have much time together..
i'm sorry i cant be there when you needed me..
i'm sorry i cant be there to spend the night together..

i wish i could too bei..
i wish i could be by your side 24/7..
i wish we could go back to the old days when we were so happy..
i'm sorry bei..
pls bare with it for another 11 more weeks..
i need your encouragement to keep me going on..
i need your support so that i wont give up..
never say never is just too difficult now..

i'm losing my faith,
i'm losing myself,
i'm losing my direction,
i'm losing my motivation..
i feel so lost, so lost..

everything i do just doesnt seems right..
i dont know what to do now..
i only want to be by bei bei's side..
it's too late to regret now..
can only look forward to every weekend..

bei bei.....
i love you~

book out, book out!
book out, book out!

we've changed bunk allocation cos of the swine flu..
2 ppl to a bunk!
i love this bunk allocation manz!
but it's only temporary..
aww..

adult life is no fun at all..
cant understand why some ppl like to make life so difficult..
you all are alr in mid 20s,
but why are you all still so childish and immature..
just a simple 18 weeks training,
and you all want to make it so political..
is there a need to and what's the point manz..
grow up pple..
just a bunch of freaking brown idiotic girls..

been in camp for 3 weeks le..
everything seems pretty much of a routine..
but i still find no joy inside..
not because of the training, but it's just the ppl..
they say i'm so quiet..
cos i just find it no point to talk,
dont want to waste my breath and energy..
i'm simply much comfortable living in my small world..
at times i just think is this what uniform group should be like..
but guess things will be much better when i got posted..
officers at institute are much much much nicer..

coming week will be a long week..
will only be booking out on saturday afternoon,
cos of the opening house.. =(
and bei's working,
couldnt come to attend le..
will only be able to see you on saturday night le..
why cant they cancel the open house cos of the swine flu..
roars..

it'll be pay day on tue!
woohoo!
long time since we last received pay le..
we are so broke now..
but nvm, it's going to be over!
soon we do not have to worry about no money le..
just a few more days!

anni tmr, 1 year and 1 month..
happy anni bei bei!
just couldnt get enough of you..
days we have now just seems so precious..
guess we're just so lucky that u got off tmr..
thou we've got no money,
but your presence alone is enough to make my day..

am feeling so sick in camp..
love sick..
roars..

14 more weeks to go..

you fully occupied my small heart~

had a long long weekend..
spent my days over at bei's place..
it just seems to pass so fast..
hao she bu de orh..

guess it's our last chance to spend time like never before..
bei started working today..
and our time doesnt match anymore..
could only go fetch bei from work every weekend i book out..

but am so happy that you found a job..
and am glad that you like your work..

15 more weeks to go..
and i'll be back to normal schedule!
we must jiayou together!

looking forward to every book out day~

first book out day!!
woohoo!!
been counting down to book out everyday..

nothing makes me happier than book out day!
can see bei bei finally!
miss bei so so so much in camp..
i've got terrible love sick.. =P

met bei straight after book out and head back to my place..
bei's staying over these 2 nights..
really enjoy and super treasure the time we had now..
but time just seems to pass so fast with bei by my side..
soon i'm going to book in tmr night again..
aww..

bei i'll miss u so much again..
but lucky for coming week,
am going to book out on thurs!
cos fri is labour day.. wee!
as what bei said,
never been so happy before during labour day..
can see bei bei longer next weekend le!

17 more weeks to go..
bei bei, lets jiayou together k..?

you're my strength to keep me going on~

the fearful day for us has arrived..
your mummy has found out..

is it really game over..?
I dont wish to..
I really dont wish to..
Can we be given another chance or is this our fate..?

I want you..
I need you..
I love you..
You're my whole world, my everything..
Life without you will be in total darkness,
cos i'll lost my torch and light of my life..
No more motivation that will keep me going on during the tough times..

All i want is you to be by my side,
to be part of my life..
Asked you if i'm selfish, you said love is selfish isn't..
And i really really wish and want you to continue to walk this journey with me..

Thought i was strong and not let my emotions overwhelmed me last night..
But now i could no longer hold back anymore and broke down..
How i wish this is just a bad dream or a late april fool's day joke..

Will we still be able to walk hand in hand to overcome this difficulty..?
Never says never always applies..
But somehow this time round it seems too much for us to handle..

I love you, i really really do~

this past 1 month plus had been quite happening..
no longer working for camelot..
spent lots and lots of time with bei..
double date and more double date..
birthday celebrations and visit to marina barrage..
night cycling and eating at our fav dim sum place..
meeting up with the people i hold dearly to..
bintan trip and 1 year anni..

had been quite enjoying myself especially with bei bei..
but fun with no work means broke..
we're super duper broke now..
and i've even got not enought money for bei to see doctor..
the feeling just sucks to the core..
am just so worried..
cant wait to get my pay on may..
there's so much things that need to be done..

double date to night cycling..
from east coast park to kembangan,
then to geylang for dim sum..
after that headed to kallang,
then to bugis for deserts..
we then went to city hall and raffles quay..
headed back to east area after much slacking..
initial thought was to go sempang bedok then to campsite..
but swan was too tired, thus headed str back to east coast..
but it was still great!
shall go for another night cycling soon yea..?
oh and we took photos at each stopover!
shall post the photos up again..

bintan trip was alright..
not as fun as i thought it should be..
everything at the chalet/ hotel was super expensive..
think they just want to cheat the tourist money..
however the visit to their town was an eye opener..
and the town products are so so so cheap..
swan bought a cap for just S$2 plus..
bei bought a superman belt for S$3 plus $4 i think..
their town is quite similar to tioman,
except it's much busier..
at times i just wish to experience how it's like to live in an attap house..
crazy me i guess!

our 1 year anni had just passed..
ups and downs during this 1 year..
guess i almost lost u that day..
but i'm glad it didnt happen..
i've learnt to treasure and cherish u even more like never before..
you're my everything..
never say never, remember..?

bei gave me a couple ring for anni..
tgr with the help from swan n shiqi,
they hid it in the sand at bintan..
i had to answer some questions first,
before i'm given the clue to where the present is hidden..
i was told that the present was hidden at the volleyball court area,
i had to dig and dig while they played.. -_-!!
bei so innovative, came up with these kind of idea..
many thx to swan and shiqi for their help too!
xie xie bei bei..
i love it very much..

3 more days to go before i start attachment as prison officer..
guess i'll be quite busy from then on..
prison's a place full of darkness..
people often gets curious of what's happening behind the walls..
and now i'm entering behind the tall walls..
the future ahead seems quite uncertain..
dont know what will happen when the day comes..
i'm starting to feel quite scared about it..
fear is the best word to describe me now..
hope everything will be fine..
i just need your support..

you are the reason that keeps me going~

free entry to bird park on valentine's day!
didnt know about the free ticket till we're there..
plus got free ticket for flyer, national museum etc..
so cool right..
but guess we've got no time to queue for flyer. =(

prawning with the rest on that night..
indeed a very enjoyable day with bei and the rest..

got accepted as a prison officer..
starting attachment on the 14th April..
then to training school for about 3 months..
gonna lose my freedom real soon..
just 2 more months to go..

all along this is what i wanted..
but somehow, the excitement is not really there..
cos of bei..?
i'm not sure either..

but glad their shift work timing is great..
still can go out after work..
hmmm once i start work,
guess i'll be a permanent PR at bei's place..
travellin from batok to changi daily is no joke..
guess i'll still be late if i take 1st train..
bei's mummy is fine with it!
bedok will officially be my next home!

finally we found a place for our 21st birthday..
not going overseas, dont need to book chalet..
staying over at Agnes's place!
think it'll be pretty similar to last year's celebration..

somehow i really miss the old camelot clique..
days in camelot will not be as interesting w/o them..
last year birthday was a big blast with them..
and not forgetting last year april fool's day..
i miss the days doing camps together..
i miss the days where we hang out together..
i miss all the crazy days together..
i miss the sai kang warriors..
too many miscommunication, misunderstanding..
too many factors..
but i really miss those days with you guys..

am glad i still have bei in my life now..
going 1 year soon after our birthday..
cant imagine life w/o u when i'm in trainin sch..

continue to stay by my side will ya..
never ever let go of my hand..

you are all that i had~

happy new year !!

house visiting as usual was not very great..
almost everyone was nagging at me..
cos i look too tan !!
keep nagging and nagging..
in the end got so irritated,
totally shut off and not response..

had been double dating recently..
swan got her sunshine..
the lucky bird..

but i wonder what's wrong recently..
i just dont understand..
shouldnt you all be happy for your friend..
and pls stop your selfish thoughts..
i'm so disappointed..
really am very disappointed..
just what's wrong manz..
dont want to care anymore..
shall pretend that i dunno anything..

oh and did i mention..
i went to genting just few days before new year!
it was such a last minute trip..
together with me, bei, swan and sunshine..
the trip was fantastic!
and the company was great too!
except bei was feeling sick in the night.. =(

the trip was really worthwhile..
we only had to pay $88 for transport and lodging..
with free 1 day breakfast..
and bei's buddy gave us complimentary tickets!
free outdoor and indoor theme park tickets,
free rides for cable car!
woohoo..
so worth it right..

come on ppl..
let's save up!
more overseas trip pls!!

but i guess birthday trip will be called off..
cant afford to taiwan or hongkong now..
so what's for birthday plan..
hmmmm...

your presence simply makes my day~

am in bedok library now bloggin with hp!
Like so cool hur..

Am so hungry now..
Didnt eat anything today..
Waitin for bei to finish work then dinner tgt..

It's chinese new year next week,
and i have not buy any new clothes yet!
Am going back to camp tonight,
argh, no time!

Suddenly these few days i dont feel like going back to work..
Last week at work simply sucks!
Hopefully it'll be better this week..

Roars..
Am feeling so lazy..
Just what's wrong!

it wasnt a good start for 2009..
so many mixed feelings within me for the past few days..

goodbye my friend..
you'll be remembered..
thou i think it's not worth it at all,
but i hope you'll be much happier in wherever you are now..

at times, some guys are really such a big jerk..
used to trust and believe you so much..
no matter what the rest said,
i still stood by your side..
but that was the past..

until today i realised i was wrong..
big big big wrong..
i was just too naive then to believe you..
no matter the reason is true or not,
it's no longer important now..
cos the fact was that you idiot cheated on me!!

it didnt come to my senses until bei told me..
putting together all the bits and pieces,
it actually made sense..
you bastard cheated on me!!

not worth it to waste my energy on this bastard..
if not i guess it'll be unfair for bei too..
but am glad that bei was by my side,
when i received the 2 crashing news..
thanks bei bei..

anyway i pass all my interview for prison officer..
but am not feeling as excitied as i should be..
i really wonder why..
ting was more excitied and happy than i am!

dont know when i'll be starting attachment and training..
meanwhile i'll enjoy my remainin days as outdoor instructor,
and spending my time with bei bei and the rest..
i'll definitely miss my wonderful days in the outdoor line..
couldnt believe my 1 year plus in this line is coming to an end soon..
really really enjoyed myself during this 1 year plus..
so many wonderful memories over here..
esp it's the place where i know bei!!
aww...

happy anni bei bei~

woohoo !!
it's 2009..

hang out with kee onn, chloe and bei last week..
it's just so nice to hang out with them..
so happy..
had new year countdown with them,
and some of bei's friends as well..

wooo...
i'm going for prison second interview tomorrow..
glad that the interview is tomorrow..
cos after tomorrow,
i'll be stuck in camp almost everyday..

oh, bei bought me 7 tops and a belt from thailand!
woohoo, now i got many many tops to choose from !!
thx bei bei.. =)

going 9 months le..
time really pass so fast..
days with you are really fruitful and enjoyable..
sometimes i really wish time can just stop here..
aww...

it's a new year..
but i dont have any new year resolutions yet..
i only hope that our 21st birthday will be a memorable one..
but before that,
save money, save money !!

oh and did i mention..?
i want to lose weight..
heex.. =P