leaving for PAHANG in a few hours time..
setting off at 4am..!!
is like so omg can..
such a weird timing..

so freaking bored now..
waiting for 4am to reach..
then cina will be driving us over together with kat, swan and bao bei..

thought of it kind of excites me..
been longing to go overseas since graduation..
but didnt ever thought that i'll be going with the camelot clique..
esp with bao bei beside.. =)..

finally overseas again!!
weee..!!
wonder how is PAHANG like..
dont really have an idea of the place..
sadly, quite low on budget this time round..
this month dont really have any income..

money money come to me..!!
more events and programmes for coming month pls..
seriously need to earn more to top up my bank account..
if not sure POK GAI arh!!

ting went tioman..
hope she had fun there..
she come back s'pore, i leave s'pore..
(PS: see i got blog about you hor!! feel honoured ok!! hahax..)

ok, super bored..
update again when i'm back ba..

zao~

had poly gathering last night..
somehow, feelings were different..
some things had changed..
or maybe it was just me who had changed..
i started to realise i'm becoming more and more anti-social..
but it was still nice being able to meet up with them after quite a long period of time..

often, we ask students to do reflections..
but how many of us actually do reflections often..
guess it's time for me to reflect on what i've done or say..

said what i've thought..
yes you're affected by what i've said..
and no doubt i'm affected too..
simply had no mood when i was out..
and broke down one day on the train..
cos you mean more than a friend to me..

sorry, i do not know how to phrase my words..
but i've really tried my best..
i even feel like slapping myself after saying some things..
yes, maybe there are some things i do not know..
but at times it's really very hard for me to believe or understand when your actions just show otherwise..

sorry i just cant understand..
i really really cant understand..
even till now..
maybe i'm not that understanding enough after all..
but there's no way i can hide the disappointment in me..

maybe it was a wrong move from the start..
but it's not up to me to decide..

oh wells...
maybe it's just a big wrong for me to be in the same circle then..

whatever..
to forgive and forget..

what if one day your home doesnt feel like home anymore..?

a stranger starts to stay at your place..
occupy and sleep at your room..
who will be staying for a long period of time..

and was being told to sleep together with her..
like wth..
refused, slept in parents room..

who will want to sleep together with someone whom you dont know..

then it starts to become a worst nightmare!!
with your mum physco-ing her to continue to stay put at your place, since she will be working nearby in quite some time..
only to start finding for a place when everything has settled down..
and starts to give suggestions on which sch should her 2 kids go to..
and even volunteered to take care of her 2 kids..

tian arh......!!!!!!!

who will like to sleep on a mattress and pillow that you're not comfy at..
giving you backaches and neck problem..
and got woken up 5 plus, 7 plus early in the morning..
who will be able to sleep well..?

not as if i'm in camp..
hello, this is home..
H-O-M-E, HOME!!
where it used to be so comfy, but no longer now..

i rather stay in camp and not come back home..
argh..!!

just wanna drag my feet out of this place but am too lazy..
whatever..
just hope it will soon be over..
really hope so..

only know home now doesnt feel like home anymore..
an alien place........

怎么办，怎么办，怎么办！！！
有人生气及失望了。
我开始慌了，真的慌了！！

该怎么办才好？！！
这次我真的又害怕又慌。
乱得我不知所措。

要不是我先开始，这一切就不会发生了。
没有任何人我可怨的，只有我自己。
一切的来源都来自我。
都怪我自己！！

真的好讨厌自己！！
干吗自卑感会那么的强！！
干吗对自己这么没信心！！
干吗好端端的胡思乱想！！
干吗思想这么的不成熟！！
原本那冷静的我到底到哪儿去了！！

有时人真不知道是欠打还是欠骂。
为何要为了过去的事那么的执着？！！
值得吗？！！
过去就是过去，谁何尝没有过去！！
又不是自己没过去这样！！
看开点吧！
做人就是要往前看，这样人才会开心点。

现在一切都回到原点，也许这对你我都比较好吧。

不要再那么的依赖。
不要再给那么多的麻烦。
不要再乱乱想有的、没的。
不要再老是的逃避。
现在要开始多独立点吧。

还真害怕当时你会要放弃。
你的回答真的冷得叫我害怕。
珍惜啊，珍惜！
不要忘记当初是谁给了这宝贵的机会！！
不要等到一切都太迟了才来后悔。
到时谁都救不了！！

同一句话听多了也会腻。
但除了这句话，我也不知道要说什么好。
不管你听腻了没，我还是要说：
对不起。真的很对不起。
我真的知错了。

请你相信我。
继续做我的 guardian angel...

july was indeed a packed month..
camps, camps and more camps..
but well, it was rather an enjoyable month..
great experiences with the kids..
maybe for now, pri sch kids arent such a headache to me anymore..

anyway, bao bei found me a pair of adidas sports shoe in camp..
it was left behind by the students..
cool manz..
it was super brand new la!
just nice replace my old and torn nike sports shoe..
save me the money to buy a new pair of shoes..
to whoever the student is, very much appreciated..

after hard work for a month, august seems too relaxing..
not much job opportunities on hand..
left with only 1 more half day program..
say haleluya to me and bao bei..
no job = no income..

plus, last 2 weeks of august we're having chalet and then overseas..
going over to pahang.. sighs...
really start to wonder if it's the right decision made..
but after all i've been wanting to travel overseas for quite a few months..
just that there wasnt any opportunities..

sorry bao bei..
yao bu shi wo yao qu.....
we wouldnt be so tight on hand anymore..
but well, our first and last overseas trip i guess..

come on manz..
save, save and save!!
just like the nike slogan: you can do it!

last night camelot gathering was quite great..
it's been real long since all of us gather together..
everyone was present..
miss those days where all of us spent our days in camp and outside..
will all be back at makan sutra one day again, with better service i hope..

as usual, past few days was spent at bao bei's place..
and omg!
bao bei's parents like me manz..
they ask bao bei to pack luggage, go back to bukit batok while i can continue to stay there..
still say go find lawyer, change my surname, become liang yu bing..
they're so funny and cute can..

afterall i guess it's good in a way such that they wont complain much since i spend my night there so frequently..
but poor bao bei, these few days always kena disturbed by parents..
nevermind, it's ok, you still have me.. =)

hmm..
few more days to 4th month anni..
wonder what should i get this time round..
*scratch head*..
roughly had an idea, but am not too sure about it..

was thinking back of the days when we just started..
was really glad that you gave me the chance to stay by your side then..
to allow me to shower you with much care and concern..
and to pamper you with all my love..
thanks bao bei..

if not we will not be standing here, hand in hand together le..
really treasured the days we spent together, even for now..
early single day spent with you just makes my day like never before..
and days without you are draggy and gloomy..

you are no longer a want, but a need..
for i love you not because i need you..
but i need you because i love you..

really dont know how long will our journey be..
but i hope it will be as long as it can and will be..
for days, months and years..

continue to stay by my side will ya..

loving you..