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somehow, when you get a very strong gut that the day will not be your day, it really isnt your day.. seriously today, damn sway.. argh !! DANCING CRAB LA !! (in case you miss out on my fav word for the past few weeks, dancing crab in japanese is called kani nabei.. sounds so vulgar..)

or rather, this year is just not my year.. things are just not as smooth, things i expected did not turn out the way, things i did not expect instead happened.. a word to sum up the year, UNBELIEVABLE..

guess this year i grew quite a lot.. perhaps at times, pple just learn better and grow more using the hard way..

3 more days..

i must be strong.. trying hard..

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kept falling down and slipping these few days.. almost everyday without fail.. it's a bad omen i guess.. and i am very sure of it..

guess this time round i really fall hard.. too hard.. sighs..

give me more time to stand up.. i must be strong..

how i wish the clock can stop ticking..

12 more days and goodbye..

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it's a sunday afternoon and here i am at home..

i must be crazy..


i know i am..

tomorrow's the day...

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it's the end of the working days, and it's the start of school days.. after 11 weeks of holiday, i'm back to school..

this holiday has been quite a busy one i supposed.. experienced and learnt new things, esp when in camp, quite fruitful.. however if without the major change in my life now, everything will be fantastic..

i see many hurdles ahead, can the race be completed and all the hurdles are crossed successfully ??

or will it be just like the huge rainbow i saw at the campsite, so magnificent but slowly diminishing and only lasted for the period of time..

somehow i must constantly remind myself to be more...............................

trying hard..

pls pardon me till the day i see the sunrise again.. will i ??


**3 more days to the 'big race'.. will i conquer or fall hard ??

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home sweet home.. in camp for the past 1 week..

sch starting real soon, and i wonder how am i going to live thru and survive this whole semester.. it seems like hell to me..

can i not go back to sch.. sighs..

i wanna run away..

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what's the use of my countdown?!! the stupid countdown!!
i hate this world!!
what should i do?!!
what do you want me to do?!!
nothing i do seems to help with the frustrations!!
how how how?!!
how the stupid hell!!
what the hell what the hell what the hell!!
maybe i should just end everything?!!
i hate promises!! i shouldnt have made any promises!!
everything seems to be so fake!! so fake!! so fake!!
i cant believe!!!
aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
stupid!! idiiot!! fish!!
life is like madness!!
i hate everything!!!
i hate myself!!
i'm so disappointed with this world!!
i am not who i am anymore!!
i see devil in me!! i see darkness in me!!

i shall wait for the day where i can see sunrise again.. if that happens, pls be happy for me.. i wish i wish i wish.....


*sry i just needed a place for frustrations thou it doesnt seems to help.. sighs...

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mentally tired.. still holding on..
stupid virus around making me more vulnerable.. cough cough..

3 weeks had passed.. 1 more month left!!
hang on...

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i love to sit in a corner, but loneliness bored me..
i love to be in a crowd, but live in my own world..
contradicting..

i love to listen, but not to speak..
i loved to speak, but no words came out from my mouth..
contradicting..

wish to speak, but it's so difficult to explain..
wish to speak, but some things just should not be said..

when speaking, words came out did not describe my feelings..
when speaking, words came out cannot describe my feelings..

so, what's the use of speaking when it doesnt make a difference with or without opening your mouth..

some things can only be felt in the heart, where there is no suitable words that can be used to describe..
deep down in my heart, consist of many mixed feelings and thoughts.. can you feel how i feel ?? if you can, then you can understand the emo-ness deep down in me..

almost lose control of myself today.. it's just that close..

busy schedule pls come back to me.. i need my drug..

*35 more days.. 2 weeks has passed..
when will the sky be clear??

happy 2 years sary

for this whole 2 years, he's the one..

he's the one whom i shared my happiness with..
he's the one whom i shared my sorrows with..
he's the one whom i know i can rely on..

he's the one who bring me joy and laughters..
he's the one who stand by me during difficulties..
he's the one who is always there for me..

till now, he's stilll the only one.. my only one..

happy 2 years anni..

loves......

**46 more days to go..

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可不可以不勇敢 - 范玮琪
你用浓浓的鼻音说一点也没事
反正又美又痛才是爱的本质
一个人旅行也许更有意思
和他真正结束才能重新开始
几年贴心的日子换分手两个字
你却严格只准自己哭一下子
看着你努力想微笑的样子
我的心像大雨将至那么潮湿
我们可不可以不勇敢?
当伤太重心太酸无力承担
就算现在女人很流行释然
好像什么困境都知道该怎么办
我们可不可以不勇敢?
当爱太累梦太乱没有答案
难 道不能坦白的放声哭喊?
要从心底拿走一个人很痛很难



**S!@NZ... time seems to pass by so slowly.. 48 more days to go..
i finally understand what is meant by the world is not fair.. it really isnt fair.. it's just like TV shows, so dramatic, unbelievable..
till then, now i can only see sunset, no longer sunrise..